It’s been a long held (and not even slightly ironic) position of mine that Demolition Man is not just the greatest film ever made, but also a glimpse into our future. Arnold Schwarzenegger becoming president of the USA, fast food joints having a big war, sewers that smell like biscuits and gravy, and getting to bone Sandra Bullock; It painted a very rosy picture of the future, and one that was all too easy to buy into.

Due to inherent lazy, I’ve not kept track of our progress towards this prophesised utopia, instead just maintaining that ‘it will happen!!1′, but it seems someone out there on the internets has actually kept track of all the prophecies, marking them off when they become true. Now, reviewing the list, only one has so far actually happened, but in the fine tradition of religions everywhere I’m going to ignore this factlet and adhere to my original statement that Demolition Man is showing us the way.

Helpfully, the guy doing the website hasn’t dated any of the updates, so there’s no way to know if he’s even updated it in years… so perhaps more things have come true! In fact, just because there’s a possibility that they have, I’m going to state that they have – Demolition Man continues to accurately predict not just the present… but the future. WoooOOOoooOOooo (spooky ghost noise)

Mmm, biscuits and gravy.

Flash games = pretty cool, right?

Right!

Well this one takes it to the next level. It is almost as cool as James Dean. Almost. I have no idea how to control it and that is the key to why I love it so. If you can figure the fucker out, comment plox.

Yeah, it's pretty much always like that

You have to have the money in your hand before you actually get something now, we’ve moved onto the stage where if we don’t have the money we can’t have it.

Courtesy of Bruce Eyre.

In the early 1940s a French man named Jacques Cousteau invented going into the water, in a daring move which at the time was proclaimed ‘batshit stupid’ by many in academia. Since the dawn of time mankind had lived in fear of water, believing it to be some form of evil, highly toxic acid, but this all changed thanks to Mr Cousteau.

One brisk summer’s morning, infront of a chattering crowd of other French people, he dared to do what none had dared do before – jumped into some water. Rejoicing upon seeing his skin resolutely failing to be burned off, and not hearing him screaming for his life, the whole crowd jumped in too, and had a party.

Several peasants drowned during the ensuing celebrations, but nobody really cared – man’s oldest enemy had been defeated! Now, barely 60 years later, our understanding of water has revolutionised the entire world.

So, the next time you carelessly have a drink of water, or it rains and nobody runs away screaming, just remember that it’s all down to one man – Mr Jacques Cousteau!

This is just too awesome to write about.

Except: to clarify, I’m going to write about it. It amuses me so, not because anyone’s being persecuted or bullied, but the notion of someone actually pushing ‘Hit A Jew Day’ as a real event. It’s almost Simpsons or Futurama-esque in this regard.

Criticising the government is not illegal, but on investigation often turns out to be linked to other offences…

Or have we not yet plumbed fully the depths of retardation possible in modern society? See here: a woman facing potentially 5 years in prison and a $5,000 fine for deleting her ‘online husband’s character in 2D RPG-me-do Maple Story (kind of like WoW’s retarded cousin (a very uneducated guess (like you (I) care))).

Artist's impression of the event

Having a penalty of 5 years in chokey for what she’s being charged with, ‘illegally accessing a computer and manipulating data’ according to the BBC, is all well and good if you’re in a criminal case dealing with a hacker on steroids who’s just broken into the systems of the CIA or FBI or MI5 or Primark and stolen a bunch of state secrets or wad of cash. But using the same offence to punish a petty, civil situation such as this, is absurd! Fuck you very much, old generation, you know nothing about anything.

Here’s to 30 years time when people who actually use the internet (and no, that doesn’t include emailing your mom or using facebook, love) start to decide how it works, and set out some proper rules for what happens when people cry about it.

In the meantime we can all look forward to going to jail for petty bullshit. Hoorah!