Meticulously Obscure

Thanks, Retards, For Making Stuff Awkward

Picture the scene: you picks up your mobile phone, and you dials in a specific class of number, usually free from a land line – an 0800, say. Now perhaps other networks are different but, with Orange, you presses dial and the first thing you’s greeted with is a lovely little pre-recorded message;

You’ll be charged for making this call. How much will depend on your Orange service plan. If you wish to continue, stay on the line and we’ll put you through.

Which, let’s not gets it twisted, is helpful. It’d normally be a free call, but from a mobile it isn’t, so they let you know; helpful. Well, helpful for the first handful of times. After that, it’s just an annoyance. Now, let’s not gets it twisted [part 2], it’s not so annoying that I’m losing sleep over it, but still. Why does it needs to be there on every call?

Ah yes – for the retards who would complain if it weren’t. For the utter blingwads out there who aren’t capable of remembering such simple things as “0800 numbers aren’t free from mobiles”. I can only presume such retards exist, or why would the message need to play out on every call? Despite what Derka #1 (his actual name) initially said when I phoned Orange on the off-chance this’d be configurable per-account just now, it isn’t possible to disable it.

Gnnhh.

Picture the scene: you turns on your TV, and your Virgin Media TV box thing, and you fancies watching, say, an episode of god-mode-genius cartoon comedy series South Park. You goes to the on demand part, you locates your episode, and you clicks play – but what’s this? Ah! You have to enter a PIN code because it’s 18+ content, and it’s before 9pm. Oh, you silly sausage, what did you think, that you actually had control over your media box doohicky? Silly silly!

So you picks up your mobile phone, and you phones Virgin Media’s help line;

You’ll be charged for making this call. How much will depend on your Orange service plan. If you wish to continue, stay on the line and we’ll put you through.

You grits your teeths, and wistfully dedicate a few more seconds of your life to Retards. Eventually you’re through, and you enquire as to how to disable this silly PIN system, given you’re an adult (well…) and have no kids around;

Sorry sir, but you can’t do that. No, you can’t disable the family controls. No sir I don’t know what “flags in the firmware” means or how you can change them, even if you can see them in the read-only options screens. It’s not retarded sir it’s just company policy.

So you sighs to yourself, sets a PIN you couldn’t possibly forget even if you tried, and curse out those retards and blingwads once more. Of course, family controls are useful – for those people who are too lazy to discipline and manage their kids themselves, they can let technology do it. That’s all good. But why can’t it be disabled?

Retards, making life difficult for power users since forever.

Rant Over.

Steve • 15th December 2010


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply