Meticulously Obscure

A Simple Favo(u)r

A Simple Favo(u)r is what happens when Paul Feig watches Gone Girl and tries to do it himself but gets a bit too excited and carried away and forgets to forget that he’s Paul Feig. You’d think after the travesty of the Ghostbusters remake (fe-make? Did anyone invent that term already or did I just…

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Mission Unpossible: Tomothy Cruise V Superman

A film has happened and its name is this name: Mission Unpossible: Tomothy Cruise V Superman, and in this film superman is wearing a suit and a tie instead of his stupid outfit so nobody knows it’s him and he also doesn’t have a CGI mouth which further helps his disguising efforts because in real…

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Pacific Rim: Uprising

Pacific Rim: Uprising manages to surpass its precursor in all the ways that are not the ways that would’ve been a good thing if it was those ways that it… did surpass… it… in? Glue nice words together make sentence be good. “Oh good I’m so glad Scott Eastwood isn’t in Pacific Rim hehe yay”…

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Batu-man Ninja

What’s that you say? You’re a massive fan of movies which B) are animated A) make no sense T) are insane M) make you question your sanity A) no really, like, zero sense, at all N) feature a baby monkey sidekick N) take themselves very seriously I) defy all logic N) sound like a terrible…

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I’m Lazy And Brain-Special

This thing has happened: I’ve decided I wanted to collate all the “film reviews”, ahem, that I’ve wrote on the Facebooks but don’t have here. As such: this ridiculous post. The Space Year 2012 The Raid – if you’re a fan of fighting, or guns, or choreography, or nice camera work, or are male, or…

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Mission Unpossible: Rogue Nation

SPOILER ALERT mission turns out to be very possible; I give it 8 out of 10 double-crossing agents

Oh Chappie, you so silly!

Chappie

Chappie is an adorable film about an impoverished, annoying, pointless, stupid, so-sincere-it’ll-give-your-foot-a-headache, mentally subnormal man named Blingwad 6000 who just wants to own his very own human son, but is incapable of figuring out how to produce or steal a real alive one, so resorts to building one out of some bits of metal he…

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Self/Less

Self/Less is a sombre, subdued, quietly emotional 15 minute short, about an old man coming to terms with the looming end of his time as an alive human person man, and the start of his time as a dead human person man. It is real nice and I’d recommend doing a see of this short…

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Moon

Moon is a documentary film that’s actually an autobiography of the thing it takes its name from: the moon, written by the thing it takes its name from: the moon, and also starring the thing it takes its name from: the moon. The Moon seems to have a very high opinion of itself and is…

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Mad Max: Fury Road

In the strangest change of pace in a film sequel there’s ever been, Locke 2: Mad Max: Fury Road finds our Welsh construction manager on another road trip, only this time instead of making 75,000,000 phone calls whilst on the M40 to try and de-ruin his own life that he’s arbitrarily decided to ruin, he’s…

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