Meticulously Obscure

Mission Unpossible: Rogue Nation

SPOILER ALERT mission turns out to be very possible; I give it 8 out of 10 double-crossing agents

Oh Chappie, you so silly!


Chappie is an adorable film about an impoverished, annoying, pointless, stupid, so-sincere-it’ll-give-your-foot-a-headache, mentally subnormal man named Blingwad 6000 who just wants to own his very own human son, but is incapable of figuring out how to produce or steal a real alive one, so resorts to building one out of some bits of metal he…

Continue Reading


Self/Less is a sombre, subdued, quietly emotional 15 minute short, about an old man coming to terms with the looming end of his time as an alive human person man, and the start of his time as a dead human person man. It is real nice and I’d recommend doing a see of this short…

Continue Reading


Moon is a documentary film that’s actually an autobiography of the thing it takes its name from: the moon, written by the thing it takes its name from: the moon, and also starring the thing it takes its name from: the moon. The Moon seems to have a very high opinion of itself and is…

Continue Reading

Mad Max: Fury Road

In the strangest change of pace in a film sequel there’s ever been, Locke 2: Mad Max: Fury Road finds our Welsh construction manager on another road trip, only this time instead of making 75,000,000 phone calls whilst on the M40 to try and de-ruin his own life that he’s arbitrarily decided to ruin, he’s…

Continue Reading

Jurassic World

Jurassic World is not as silly as the trailer made it look but it’s still pretty silly. They sneakily went and added loads of references to the original though, which made me go all gooey due to it being perfect, and that. I give it 39,000,000 out of 65,000,000 years.

John Wick

“John Wick is a hyper-stylised bullet opera where there’s very little substance but it’s awesome, probably go see it I guess?” – Steve Trevor, Wonder Woman’s boyfriend

Fast & Furious 7

Fast & Furious 7 marks quite a derparture for the series, insofar as it’s actually a biopic about a pervy cameraman who can’t stop pointing his cameramajig at “the ladies”. He’s pointing it at the ladies’ be-hinds, and their front-hinds, and pretty much every -hind you can imagine a lady might have. He’s travelling over…

Continue Reading


’71, on the other hand, is flippin’ harrowing. Imogen Poots isn’t in it so it only gets 1.9 out of 2 nearly-identical-religious-denominations-that-nonetheless-spend-an-awful-lot-of-time-trying-to-kill-each-other.

Need For Speed

Need For Speed is the worst film I’m seen since Horrible Bosses 2, and it loses even more points for reminding me that I once sat through Hobbirle Bosses 2. Anyway in this film Breaking Bad Junior stars as a man who really really wants to launch a successful film career by watching Speed on…

Continue Reading

1 2 3 6