Meticulously Obscure

Need For Speed

Need For Speed is the worst film I’m seen since Horrible Bosses 2, and it loses even more points for reminding me that I once sat through Hobbirle Bosses 2. Anyway in this film Breaking Bad Junior stars as a man who really really wants to launch a successful film career by watching Speed on…

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Big Hero 6

Big Hero 6 is real good. Like, real real good. I give it 6 badaladaladaladalaas out of 6 badaladaladaladalaas.

Ex Machina

Ex Machina is really great and it’s pure coincidence that I think this and that there’s a female computer in it. Pfft shut up. 64 out of 64 “bits”.

Foxcatcher

Foxcatcher; or, A Sexually Repressed Old Man Has A Bit Of A Fiddle With My Name Jeff And Only The Incredible Hulk Can Save The Day. It’s rather good.

cast wide

The Unexpected Virtue Of Iñárritu

Or: A Post About Birdman With A Rather Pretentious Title Birdman, though not a film about a man who becomes an actual real half-man-half-budgie as I was hoping it would be, is nonetheless pretty magnificent, and as Edwyn Collins once sang, I’ve never known (seen) a girl (film) like you (this: Birdman) before. First pretty…

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A Clockwork Orange

If you’re after a period of time to have existed in that was really long, drawn out, and annoying, at least going on its cinematic output, then based on A Clockwork Orange I can highly recommend giving the non-space-decade the ’70s a visit. You’ll be amazed at just how weird-for-the-sake-of-it and obtuse everything is! Sure…

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Starred Up

If you’ve been looking for a nice fun family film with plenty of laughs and cartoony action then Starred Up is definitely not the film for you because it’s about a guy in prison who “effs and jeffs” like t’were going out of fashion. It’s very good though. 4 out of 5 prison tats.

Her

Whack Him Phoenix in Spike Jonze’s 2013 film “Her” is just magnificent and now I think I’m going to have to go have a bit of a cry for about a week. It’s a film about a sad man who loves his computer so obviously it resonates with me a lot HURR DURR; rating: 9…

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The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Hobbitses 3: Hobbit On Up The Khyber – has everything you could possibly ever want in a film, as long as that’s just a lot of fighting and a bit of soppy crying and the worst digital actors since Blade 2 and a fair helping of Evangeline Lily’s glorious cheekbones. I give it the height…

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The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Hobbitses two: not sure why everyone keeps talking about Paul Oakenfold but it’s very good nonetheless: I give it eight out of 10 short Scottish actors

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