Meticulously Obscure

Starred Up

If you’ve been looking for a nice fun family film with plenty of laughs and cartoony action then Starred Up is definitely not the film for you because it’s about a guy in prison who “effs and jeffs” like t’were going out of fashion. It’s very good though. 4 out of 5 prison tats.

Her

Whack Him Phoenix in Spike Jonze’s 2013 film “Her” is just magnificent and now I think I’m going to have to go have a bit of a cry for about a week. It’s a film about a sad man who loves his computer so obviously it resonates with me a lot HURR DURR; rating: 9…

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The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Hobbitses 3: Hobbit On Up The Khyber – has everything you could possibly ever want in a film, as long as that’s just a lot of fighting and a bit of soppy crying and the worst digital actors since Blade 2 and a fair helping of Evangeline Lily’s glorious cheekbones. I give it the height…

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The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Hobbitses two: not sure why everyone keeps talking about Paul Oakenfold but it’s very good nonetheless: I give it eight out of 10 short Scottish actors

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Hobbitses part one: songs are weird but it’s great: 9 out of ten stupid hobbitses

Paddington

Dude! Go and watch Paddington. Even if you’re so gangster you have a street name; go watch Paddington. It is ace.

Horrible Bosses 2

The film is actually part of the new Star Trek reboot series so I don’t know why that’s not reflected in the title. It plays out like one of those comedy episodes of TNG, which is a bold move (but there are ZERO tribbles – big mistake!!!); Captain Kirk beams down to the surface of…

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The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1

Hungry Games Part 3 Part 1 review: a girl in it has a side shave. 10/10

Fury

Fury is brutal and very very good

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Hunger Games 2: Hungrier Games Basically it’s the same as the first but Philip Seymour Hoffman steals the show like he always did rip in peace sweet prince

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