Shazam! is a brand new film that tells the life story of a new washing powder called Shazam! that claims to get your whites whiter than David Duke’s favourite evening wear.

The film is over two hours long and shows some scientists in a lab trying to make the perfect surfactant and by golly do they ever ramp up the tension! If you thought The Social Network did a genius job of making tedium exciting just wait until you watch some quiet people in lab coats prod damp fabric repeatedly. Will enough dirt stick to the particles? Drama! Will it whiten the whites without making the colours drab? Tension! Will it leave everything nice and soft and not ruin the absorbency of towels? Stakes!

Shazam! is available in all good supermarkets at a very reasonable price.

After the main Shazam! movie finished there was a bonus movie that was supposed to be a sequel to Big but this time Tom Hanks is too old so it’s new actors and new characters and now he’s a superhero? It was pretty decent, sporadically brilliant even, but its sense of humour didn’t really gel with me.

I rate the main Shazam! movie Daz out of Bold and the bonus superhero one Persil out of Ariel.

I had to spell check *three* words for this. I think I need to wash my brain out with some Shazam!