Meticulously Obscure

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Moon

Moon is a documentary film that’s actually an autobiography of the thing it takes its name from: the moon, written by the thing it takes its name from: the moon, and also starring the thing it takes its name from: the moon. The Moon seems to have a very high opinion of itself and is…

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Mad Max: Fury Road

In the strangest change of pace in a film sequel there’s ever been, Locke 2: Mad Max: Fury Road finds our Welsh construction manager on another road trip, only this time instead of making 75,000,000 phone calls whilst on the M40 to try and de-ruin his own life that he’s arbitrarily decided to ruin, he’s…

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Jurassic World

Jurassic World is not as silly as the trailer made it look but it’s still pretty silly. They sneakily went and added loads of references to the original though, which made me go all gooey due to it being perfect, and that. I give it 39,000,000 out of 65,000,000 years.

For The Record, I Did Not Force You To Look At This :)

But y’know, a couple cats requested it, so… And just for Cathy: progress pic!

John Wick

“John Wick is a hyper-stylised bullet opera where there’s very little substance but it’s awesome, probably go see it I guess?” – Steve Trevor, Wonder Woman’s boyfriend

Fast & Furious 7

Fast & Furious 7 marks quite a derparture for the series, insofar as it’s actually a biopic about a pervy cameraman who can’t stop pointing his cameramajig at “the ladies”. He’s pointing it at the ladies’ be-hinds, and their front-hinds, and pretty much every -hind you can imagine a lady might have. He’s travelling over…

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’71

’71, on the other hand, is flippin’ harrowing. Imogen Poots isn’t in it so it only gets 1.9 out of 2 nearly-identical-religious-denominations-that-nonetheless-spend-an-awful-lot-of-time-trying-to-kill-each-other.

Need For Speed

Need For Speed is the worst film I’m seen since Horrible Bosses 2, and it loses even more points for reminding me that I once sat through Hobbirle Bosses 2. Anyway in this film Breaking Bad Junior stars as a man who really really wants to launch a successful film career by watching Speed on…

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Big Hero 6

Big Hero 6 is real good. Like, real real good. I give it 6 badaladaladaladalaas out of 6 badaladaladaladalaas.

Ex Machina

Ex Machina is really great and it’s pure coincidence that I think this and that there’s a female computer in it. Pfft shut up. 64 out of 64 “bits”.

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